:::sigh::: Old People

I'm bored, and I just closed a random spam question on Stack Overflow which I thought would be fun to dissect in its ridiculousness. The question in its entirety is:

Baby Boomers are the fastest growing pop demographic. Most of them are afraid of computers and they don't have a page. I am working with the senior centers and homes. I would like to get them all online. We will be fundraising to buy one computer for every location. You know how you kids are, you don't return calls or visit. Seniors are so lonely and they just want to know you are okay. If they can see photos and if you can say Hi once in awhile, They will die happy. Now if you could just give me a few ideas. I hope I made you feel guilty enough that you will set up your grandparents on FB they might live a long long life. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I am working with a nation wide challenge to come up with a program. I have all info needed for content but I just learned how to cut and paste. www.agepower.org is the group looking for a program. Yes I am a senior.

Thank you for your time. Mother Mary

Obviously not a fit for Stack Overflow, so it's quickly closed and fades into antiquity. But, like I said, I'm bored. So, here we go...

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Baby Boomers are the fastest growing pop demographic.

That's a dubious claim.

Most of them are afraid of computers

Really? Like, genuinely afraid? If I put a computer in a room with a baby boomer, will they curl up in fear? Will they run from me if I approach them while holding a tablet?

 and they don't have a page

What's a page? What the hell are you talking about?

 I am working with the senior centers and homes.

All of them? That's a pretty big project already. You'd think with that kind of backing you could do better than just a random post on a website that has nothing to do with what you're doing. (Hint: You might want to work on your communication skills. That's not a technology thing, that's a language thing. And unless you're really old I don't think language is anything new for you.)

I would like to get them all online.

For what purpose? Or is this just one of those "put a computer in the classroom and kids will magically become smarter" things, only with retirees instead of children?

We will be fundraising to buy one computer for every location.

There's that magic again. What about maintenance? Training? Help and support? If you're approaching a demographic who truly doesn't use computers and just handing them a computer, expect to have bought them an expensive paperweight.

You know how you kids are, you don't return calls or visit.

And I also know how you are, you're a condescending bitch.

Seniors are so lonely and they just want to know you are okay.

Can they not make their own friends? Well, judging from your communication skills thus far, maybe not. But at least you've finally approached a point in your rambling, poorly expressed though it may be. Ok, let's encourage and educate seniors to get on Facebook so they can watch us interact with each other, and maybe do some interacting of their own. That's not a bad idea.

Though we're also back to the question of training and support. The internet is also full of scams and fraudsters, and you're intending to metaphorically drive a bus full of seniors into the lion's den, drop them off, and say "you're welcome" as you drive away. I hope all seniors aren't as short-sighted as you.

If they can see photos and if you can say Hi once in awhile, They will die happy.

A morbid thought, but whatever. Communication skills again, honey. When you're pitching a business idea, talking about people dying probably isn't a good conversation starter.

Now if you could just give me a few ideas.

First idea: Stop being an idiot. Second idea: See first idea. Seriously, ideas for what? For how to buy computers for old people? Call Dell, work out a volume discount if you can, give them money, get computers. It's just like buying anything else anywhere ever.

I hope I made you feel guilty enough that you will set up your grandparents on FB they might live a long long life.

What is this I don't even... Ok, first of all, you're not going to guilt-trip anybody into your business venture (charitable or otherwise). Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you? Second of all... Did you seriously just imply that signing up for Facebook might lead to a longer life? I'm starting to wonder if you're not really working on this charity, but are instead a recipient of a charity which puts computers into mental health facilities.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Help with what? What the hell are you even asking us to do? What is your call to action?

I am working with a nation wide challenge to come up with a program.

Wait, so you're not actually doing any of this yet, you're just "challenging" people to brainstorm ideas for you? You had a thought, and you can't think of any way to actually make it practical or any indication if your thought is even a good idea, and you just want other people to figure all that out for you? I know I've been asking what you want us to do here, but now I'm curious what is it that you actually do here.

I have all info needed for content but I just learned how to cut and paste.

You have... no information. None. At all. But I'm glad you've learned basic kindergarten craft skills. I'm sure there's a lot of cutting and pasting during group craft times on the ward.

www.agepower.org is the group looking for a program.

I hope they're not looking to you for one. Because apparently you don't have anything to contribute. Your plan is to crowd-source a plan. Way to win it.

Yes I am a senior.

And you do a disservice to your contemporaries. Please stop representing seniors, they deserve better than that.